Appreciate...

Well, Kinda stress lately, just hope everything gonna be alright n smooth for me. Thanks to all the people who concern about me n helping me out a lot. I really appreciate wad u all did for me.

I might be not a very gud leader but i'm trying out my very best to get jobs done n well. How to actually make ppl willing to work for u and under u, tats wad i really concern about a lot n until today i stil cant find out the way. Anyone know can please let me know? I might be very strict in the way of getting job done, but if the result is gud, i bet ppl will know y am i being tat strict.

I might not be a gud planner as well, i need ideas from everyone, but if i'm given a job. I will try my very best to do it.. at least is my responsibility to finish up where i started.

Anyway, hope things will really goes rite n nice for me :)

无奈

有些事，就是这么的无奈。。
就因为你爱他，疼他，才会这么的无奈。。
就因为你爱他，疼他，才会尽量不发脾气而觉得无奈，
可是无奈的同时，不懂得能怎样对付，
尽管说了再多，都很难了解。。
出发点重来就不是坏的。。都是为了他好。。
长久了，真的会累的。。。

难道我真的是那么不通情达理吗？
我真的是这么自私吗？
我就真的在逼他做他不开心的事吗？

还是我真的完全不了解他。。。

主啊，请您给我些指点。。我是不会放弃他的，
可是至少让我了解一些我重来没了解过的，
让我能多从他角度来看这世界。。虽然会不容易，可是我愿意。。

女人不是不懂事，只是他们需要跟懂事的男人在他们身边。。
这是我读过的。。真的是这样吗？

让我冷静下来，在想回去吧。。。

Winter break !!

2011 is almost til the end, 2012 gonna start very soon, ppl says.. 2012 gonna be apocalypse.. is't gonna be real?! Who knows.. no point thinking about it, as long as i do i should. I believe God has eyes to see :)

Anyway, there would be gud news and bad news, i will start with the gud news first then. Me, my cousins n my roomie will be going for vacation this winter! We are going to Spain n Porgutal for this winter break! for around 13 days? If not mistaken about the date.. and heard that the shopping there gonna be very cheap! Food there gonna be very cheap!! This would be the one i've been anticipating about!!! Looking forward for it!

Bad news is about the trip as well ): This trip might just end up with me and my cousin only, the other 2 are might cant go due to some exams problem. I think we booked the ticket quiet earlier so dint concern about their exams, totally forgot about it. Aikzz... Hope they will settle the things so we can go in a group n have fun together. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. This is wad i would put in sentence.

Anyway, my exam (operative surgery) is still pending.. due to heavy cycle i'm having now and also the next cycle gonna be another heavy cycle. i've no time to study and I'm actually kinda worried about it.. but nothing can be done.. will see how.

Also, my back is giving more and more problem recently. Even sitting too long period, like 30 min will give me back pain ( near lumbar vertebra and pelvic bone). Is been 5 months i'm having back pain, it never been better n having constant pain. I think is because of too frequent sit up i've been doing during summer break this year, NO six packs but back PAIN D: hope it will recover ASAP so i dont have to see a doctor if not i'm gonna face lots of problem. God Bless me.

Harder n harder

Life in Russia is getting harder n harder for me.. although i got lots of free time after the class, but the subject itself.. really drive me crazy.. everyday i've to study for class, what makes me relieve is i like the subject that i'm having this cycle. At least it makes me more interested in studying n pushing myself to study.

Recently something sad is happening in my family, my emotion is not very stable n i very easily get angry D: i seriously duno what is happening to me and this few days i'm having server headache. Many things bang into me this few weeks, kinda hard for me to handle it, yet i've to.. 1 by 1.. i believe.. God, please give me strength to go on with what i'm doing now, ur strength, means a lot to me.

As many ppl know, they always see a cheerful side and a childish side of me.. deep down.. actually there is another me which i dun really wanna reveal to anyone, other than HER.  Thanks to her, i've less stress, everytime, look at her.. it makes me feel better, i dun expect too much, i think i'm happy with my life with her presence. Thanks to God.

Depressed..

Today, my 3rd class for internal medicine for this semester and we went to see a patient today. She had pneumonia with infiltrate almost 2 of her lungs, just left the right upper lobe was still in good condition in the X-ray examination. She had difficulty in breathing, weakness, low blood pressure, dry cough n so on.. is an atypical pneumonia she had. We try to ask some history from her n get some information from her but she seems like not very cooperating n kinda hard for her to talk. So we decided to let her rest n we walk back to our class. In our class, half way we discussing about our topic (Bronchial Asthma) n our teacher received a call and said that she had already passed away.

At that very moment, all of us stunted for like few second.. n we remain silent. Deep down, at that few minutes, i'm thinking that...many things can just happen in our life in the next few second. Although now we are still standing n talking happily, the next moment, we might be already in the Haven. Life is short n precious, we should always appreciate every single moment that we have now, with our frens, family, and the ppl who we love. Dont give up on someone we care and we love jus simply some quarrel or arguement because i think is really not worth it.. we might not know wad will happen in the future, but we must always make the present like the last moment we have.

After class, we went and see the other patient that we should be in charge in and we were surprised that another of our patient died again. Yesterday when we came and visit him, he was ok. Today, he passed away.. 2 of our patients died today, its really made me kinda depressed. i felt so helpless, as a future doctor, yet i duno wad i can do for them.. really really depressed, even my lunch was tasteless.. i know we cant avoid people to die because it's god decision, at least as a future doctor.. i wanna safe as many lives as i can.. May god guide me always.

I'm just useless...

I'm just useless... because i cant even guess or analyse what my gf was thinking...

i'm trying to hard to figure it out.. but i jus couldn't get it.. 

things that it seems easy for me but become complicated at the end... 

in the end.. i'm just useless..

Diarrhea

I'm Not sure what excatly i ate or what i did last night and i got diarrhea. In the middle of the night, my stomach started don't feel well, is like something  penetrating n rolling in my intestine. So that's when i started to sit on the toilet bowl in the Early morning 4am. After finished i slept back and guess what, same thing happened again, in the EARLY MORNING 6am. Same process, sit down there n let everything come out. ( I know it sounds very disgusting but cant be help) that's how a person with diarrhea sounds like D:

The next morning, due to insufficient sleeping hours, i overslept n was late for class, i rushed there without even a proper brush up, so u can imagine how fast am i by finishing up for class in 5 min. After reaching the class, i thought everything will be fine. Just right after i sat down, here it comes again..... my stomach... its started to ache again. I felt so frustrated with this issue.. what i can do is just sit down there, hold on to my stomach n bare with it. At least, my lecture saw my condition later on n gave me to permission to go back earlier and just right after i came back, i went into the toilet n go through the same "Process" again, so here i am, after finish eating my medicine n my brunch and start sitting in front of my computer n telling the world wad happened with me the whole morning.

This is the medicine i took just now (Ultracarbon Charcol), If anyone of u having Diarrhea can try this medicine and it's very effective!

Cycle Exam

Is getting nearer nearer to my Cycle Exams(Operative Surgery), day by day. its counting down... U all might not know wad is cycle exams, allow me to explain, in Russia, we study 6 years for medical course, so during the 1st 2 years we have class base system, which mean everyday we got classes for different kinds of subjects. but from 3rd years onwards, we run the class by cycle base system, which mean we will only have 1 subs in a period of time for at least 5days and maximum can go up to 1 month. So, every cycle finish we change subject n so on until the end of the semester.This time, i'm having a Cycle exams in a few weeks time which only apply only to some certain subject and when we finish the cycle, we will have exams for that subject.

Operative Surgery is aint an easy subject, it comprised on the topography of the human anatomy, although i already finish my anatomy exams during my 2nd year, this time is a more "detail" version of human anatomy, from the head to the toe we have to master. Is actually a interesting subject but it's a lot to study n is very tiring. What to do, this is a life of a medical student. I have to accept the fact that i'm graduating soon n i've to master wad i should master, because in the future, we doctors will be dealing with human's life.

So,  wish all my friends all the best for their exams and also for myself, i've to really be more discipline. You should victor, stay strong n face it!

Another Stage of Life

Its been awhile from the last post which is almost 2 years ago. This 2 years i've learned a lot, my friends, my family, and also people around me. The main point is i appreciate them a lot for giving me a lot of golden experience and knowledge which i cant learn from my textbooks. Really thanks a lot to all of u which think u are one part of my life.

Y am i saying is another stage of my life, is because i'm back together with her after 3 years time and this time i gonna tel myself tat no matter what i will never let her go anymore til the end of my life is because we people sometimes just don't see how important is he/she in our life n especially my life and i finally realised that. I regretted for wad i did which hurts her a lot n gave her all kinds of phobia. i'm sorry.. I'm just so sorry... but i will treat u better in the future n try my very best to make u happy and i want u to be in my life which play a important role.

Another thing is, after 2 years plus of whining, finally i settle down myself on where i'm standing now. I'm a 4th year medical student now and in 2 and a half years time i'm gonna graduate n leave Russia. Times just flies when we enjoy ourself n i jus dun realise it passed so fast. It was like everything just happened last week. One thing which doesn't really change on me is, i'm still the happy go lucky guy. For me, i dun really put a lot of effort on my studies or try to get the top result or trying to compare to other people, this is because for me, 1 doctor, is not about the marks u get but is about the attitude u have. Even i'm a "doctor" with full of knowledge in my brain, but my attitude is very bad, til the end i will just have to suffer up myself.

For now, tats all.... i'm not sure who is reading my blog.. but i jus think this is more privacy place for me to shout out myself. For those who read my blog again, thanks for having patient to read til the last because i know is kinda long here :> thanks again.

p/s: i will try to improve myself not to let u disappointed. <3

-victor-